Chats with Carth
by The Penguin Squad
Summary: A story of Carth, a beloved character of Knights of the Old Republic II game, has to endure a lunatic such as myself. Read and enjoy!
1. Chats with Carth

**I'm not sure when this is, or even what I was thinking when I wrote this. Obviously, I do not own KOTOR. Or else all the jedi knights would be penguins with trench coats running around with juma. Its best if you read this when you are hyper. ;) Read and review!**

"Greetings mortal." I said, shaking my friend Carth's hand. 

He looked confused, but said nothing of my behavior.

"Please, be seated." I said, motioning to a nearby chair.

He sat down slowly, watching my every move.

"So, whats up with the mortals thing?" Carth asked after a moment of awkward silence.

"I never said anything about mortals." I replied immediately.

"Yes you did."

"When?"

"Just a moment ago when I came in."

"Oh my!" I shouted, jumping to my feet. I paced back and forth for several minutes, whilst Carth watched me silently. I sat down abruptly, staring at the floor.

Carth tilted his head to the side in confusion. "Are you alright dude?" he asked.

I looked up at him, jumping to my feet once again. "Alright! I am fine! Just peachy! Brilliant! Why should you think otherwise!" I shouted, much to my dismay later on as my lungs ached.

Carth pushed himself against the back of his chair in effort to get away from me.  
"Okay.." he said in a small voice.

"Carth, I have something serious and important to tell you." I said firmly, sitting back down.

"Um, alright..." he said slowly, still in shock.

"I have been to the doctor lately!" I shouted, starting to cross and uncross my legs, not knowing which I preferred.

"Any good news?" Carth said trying to remain calm, obviously now scarred of what I would do.

"No! None at all! He says that I should go the mental hospital since my recent speeder-" I started to say but stopped within a second. "I smell something.."

Carth lifted his head, sniffing the air. "I don't smell anything." he said, looking back over at me.

I crawled out of my chair, creeping along the floor I sniffed the floor panels until I came to the door. "I smell cheese..." I whispered, starting to open the door.

Carth ran over to me, pulling me back to the chair. "Alright, you were talking about your crash." he said, sitting down.

"Oh yes, my speeder crash supposedly made me 'crazy' the doc says. You don't think there's anything wrong with me do you?" I asked,  
while I was talking I turned upside down in my chair after feeling the need to act like a owl.

Carth smiled, shaking his head, now getting used to my craziness and being amused by my peculiar activities.

"What are you so happy about!" I demanded, starting to feel left out.

"I'm just happy to be here, having this conversation with you." Carth said, grinning.

I shrugged, not really knowing what he was talking about, probably some tap dancing penguins, those are always funny right?  
"Well I'm glad you liked them." I said, folding my hands behind my back.

"Liked what?" Carth asked, his smile fading.

"The tap dancing penguins I sent you." I simply stated, still smiling.  
Carth frowned, standing up. "When did you send them?" he asked.

"A few days ago, they should be at your apartment by now." I said, but I never received his thanks for he was already making a mad dash for his apartment.

Carth does seem to get over excited sometimes.


	2. The Dinner Party

**Carth is having a dinner party! And I'm not invited! Read and find out what happens!  
I don't own KOTOR as usual, or trench coats. Though I like the one I got. I also don't own jello, or else I'd have a giant penguin made out of jello! Read and Review!**

"Welcome back." I said with a smile, offering Carth a seat.

"Uh, I'm not back. This is my house. You just got here…" Carth said, looking at me confused

"Of course it is." I humored, chuckling to myself as I sat down. Almost immediately I noticed nine plates on the table. "Having people over?" I asked, eyeing the plates suspiciously.

Carth looked over at the plates and shrugged before averting his gaze back to me. "Yeah, a dinner party for my friend." He said.

"And you are having nine friends over?" I asked, he seemed to take it harshly by my tone, but I did not mean any harm.

"Umm, no. Just eight. There's nine including me." He said, shrugging again.

I hate it when he shrugs.

"That's uneven. You should have ten." I said flatly, tearing myself away from those dreadful plates.

"And where can I pick up another… person as you put it?" he asked, crossing his arms.

"Well under the circumstances, of course, I would never dream of doing a favor for you-" he cut me off at this point protesting. But nevertheless, I continued. "But, certain reasons have… inspired me to accept you invitation, and to ask what tasty meal you are planning on serving"

He glared at me, although I do not know why. I was doing one of the nicest things. Maybe I should cut back on being nice. I really think I over do it allot.

"Your not coming." He said flatly, un-crossing his arms as if he was ready to catch a penguin.

I smiled in response. When I saw he wanted a verbal response I continued yet again. "Of course, I can see why you would be… reluctant of sorts. But really, its no problem." I said, crossing my eyes and peering at him.

"No, really. I can't have you here. They might think your... well you." Carth said, tilting his head to the side.

"Good. Well I'll be here around eightish? Nineish?" I asked, standing up.

Carth followed suit. "Neverish." he said, glaring at me again.

"Good. See you at eight!" I said, waving as I left. I was really too nice.

"Your not coming!" he growled, slamming the door behind me.

- EIGHT O' CLOCK -

DING DONG

"Ah, the first guest." Carth said, straightening his jacket before he opened the door. "EGAD!" How did you get here?" he yelled, spotting me with a loose trench coat and tall boots.

"I took the turbo lift silly." I said, brushing past him.

Carth's mouth hung open as he stared at me. The trench coat must have looked stunning.

"Carth close your mouth. I told you I would come. Really its no problem." I said, smiling. "Wheres the food?" I asked, sniffing the air.

"I uh, ate it." he said, much to my disbelief. Carth can sure eat allot, but not that much.

"Mm hmm..." I said, barely listening as I wandered into the kitchen.

"Look out!" Carth yelled, pulling me out before I ate the jello star ship that was on the counter. My jaws snapped shut.

"WHAT?" I yelled ducking.

"Oh uhh! Stay there! Let me go check it out!" he said, running into the kitchen.

The door bell rang again.

Carth ran out of the kitchen. "You! Go into the bedroom and stay there until I call you." he ordered, running about like a wild penguin.

I said nothing but scurried into the bedroom.

Carth went to the door, as charming as he could be. Leastways for a old man.

I smiled to myself as I poked around with the trinkets on Carth's dresser. "I wonder what this does- zap!" I said, a blue ray shot out, shocking my body. I flailed about, knocking over his dresser. "Whoops. Hey! I didn't know Carth liked home and garden!" I said, scooping up one of the magazines that had fallen out of his drawer.

Carth looked nervously over at the bedroom door when he heard the noise but did enter.

"What was that?" one of the guests asked.

"Umm baby kath hound." he said quickly. Big mistake on his part.

"Ooo baby kath hound? Aww, Carth your such a dear. I want to see this little fellow of yours!" one of the old ladies cooed as she walked past him towards the bedroom.

Carth ran to the door and threw himself in her path across the door. "You can't see it!" he yelped.

"Good heavens why not?" she asked, fluffing up her mink wrap.

Carth thought for a moment. "Its sleeping." he said quickly.

"Well what was that noise then?" the old lady questioned.

"Night walking."

"Nonsense." she said, shoving him aside. She threw the door open, her eyesight not as good as it once was. "Aww, what a cutie!" she squealed, looking at me.

I looked around, dropping the diary I was investigating. "Say what penguin?" I asked, jumping up and down on the bed.

"Alright, lets go.." Carth said, leading her by the arm to leave and glaring at me.

I screamed, I didn't know why- but I did. I ran out, jumping onto the table and knocking off several of the plates. "AHHHHHHHH!" I screamed, jumping off into Carth's arms. I smiled at looked him in the eye. "You have very pretty eyes."

He dropped me, and it hurt. "Get out! Now!" he yelled, yanking me to my feet.

At this point I was most confused. I was invited over for dinner, shoved in a bedroom, called a cutie, and I hadn't even had any of the delicious food that I could smell.

I sighed, pulling off my coat and tossing it into Carth's hands.

Before he could say or do anything I ran into the kitchen. If he wasn't going to feed me, looks like I had to do it myself.

Plunging for the roasted duck I sank my teeth into it. It was yummy. Unfortunately I did not get to indulge in this pleasure for long as would have liked. Carth grabbed me and dragged me out.

"Thats it! You have ruined my party! Get out!" he yelled, throwing me out the door into the arms of another guest.

It was my father.

"Hey pops, whats new?" I asked, smiling sweetly.

He yelped, letting go of me.

I fell into the turbo lift while Carth hit the button to send the lift screeching for the bottom floor.

I didn't want to stay anyway, it was pretty boring.

That was okay though, I left his present in the bedroom. Which he should be finding right about now...

- In Carth's bedroom -

tap tap tap tap tap

"BLOODY PENGUINS!"


	3. Super market fancy

**Okay, its been awhile since I updated cause I was outta town. But heres the new one. Reviews are most welcome. Read and review!**

Carth smiled as he helped the old lady out of his speeder. He never smiles at me.

"Thank you Carth" she said, taking his hand and pulling her old and bent body out of the speeder.

Once a week he volunteered at a local nursing home to take an old lady to the store.

This week it was- as he liked to call her Mrs. Too Sweet.

I hopped out of the penguin mobile and hid behind a pole.

He didn't notice.

Leading the old lady inside he sat her on the carry-a-old-lady motor buggy.

I sneaked inside, using my raccoon like sneak skills. Grabbing a bag of speeder chips I peered over them at him. I wasn't sure who was older, the lady or the man pushing her.

"Carth, thank you so much for taking me so late, and on such short notice." The old lady said, smiling at his shadow next to him.

Carth rolled his eyes, the lady had been bugging him all week to take him, and she was blind as hissis running through the Koriban at night and all that was around him was plasteel walls. Or something like that.

I ran inside before Carth could see me, and that's when I saw it... Yes, there were boats there. I jumped into a bright yellow one, dragging my trench coat and penguin plushie in with me. I wanted so badly to sing Row, Row, Row your boat, but Carth would probably see me.

Then a lady with poofy hair came over. "You can't sit in the boat, its not allowed." She said, in a nice- yet mean manner. I could swear she looked like Tina from the Mike and Tina thing.

I glanced at her name tag- Rina. I jumped up, the penguin in my lap flew up and hit the lights, knocking them down before the penguin landed back in my hands. "YOUR RINA!" I screamed, getting inches away from her face.

She nodded slowly, backing away and calling security. I hate multi-taskers.

Carth looked over at me, then smacked himself in the head. Grabbing the nearest clerk he ordered him to help the old lady. The clerk seemed scared of Carth and scurried away with the old lady.

I smiled as I saw Carth come over. "What's up doc?" I asked, spying a carrot and shoving it into my mouth.

"What are you doing here?" he growled.

"Same thing you are- only better!" I said, happily, pointing at the boat, then at the store sign.

His eyes narrowed into slits. "Your shopping?..." he asked carefully.

I nodded furiously. Then thought for a moment and shook my head no.

"What are you doing here then?" he asked, still glaring at me. I thought he looked like a walrus who had too much juma that had been poked with a stick. Or whatever.

"I'm looking for a friend." I said, looking around.

Carth crossed his arms and stared at me as he awaited his answer.

"He's about six feet tall..." I started, looking at a six feet tall blow-up-in-ten-seconds-trampoline. "And he's black and white.." I said, looking at a Nun.

Carth took a moment to think. Which was good cause I had to plan my getaway in the penguin motor buggy.

"Is your friend... penguin?" he asked, staring at me in penguin belief.

I nodded, then shook my head no. "Of course." I said with a big ole' wide ole' penguin ole' grin.

He gaped, as he saw me now looking longingly at the dairy aisle.

Meanwhile, I spotted the most delicious penguiny fish sticks. My taste buds longed for the delicious and penguin-rific treat.

"Fish sticks..." I muttered, my mouth watering as I took off towards the aisle.

"No, WAIT! DON'T!" he yelled, taking off after me.

I reached into the freezer, grabbing a box with some penguin on a skateboard printed on the side. I ripped it open hastily, shoving one after the other in.

I hadn't had fish sticks since lunch time. That was twenty minutes ago.

Carth grabbed me by the arm, yanking the box from my hands.

"No! You are NOT allowed to have fish sticks when they aren't purchased yet. I think that you shouldn't even be having these. They have loads of carbs," he explained. I got tired of his endless babbling, as I began to whimper and reach for the box.

"F-Fish sticks, Carthy? P-Please?" I begged, as he continually shook his head. This didn't work, so I decided it was worse case scenario: I had to do the penguin pout.

So I got down on my feet, and perched just like a little penguin. The entire store was gaping at me, but I didn't care.

I suddenly leapt up, screaming loudly. Carth reached around a covered my mouth, as my desperate arms flailed for the fish sticks.

Carth dropped the box and I dived for them, slipping along the wet floor. As I slid I grabbed things off the shelves. I felt like a true penguin. Hours later I ended up at the cashier with eight carts full of fish sticks.

"Your total 456,675,450 credits." The cashier said, sighing as he packed the last box of fish sticks away.

I pulled out Carth's credit card which I had pick pocketed earlier. "Put it all on this. Make it show up at the end of the month please Mister Penguin." I said sweetly.

He nodded gruffly and did what he was told. I wish Carth was more like that.

-ONE MONTH LATER-

"AHHHHHH! BLOODY PENGUINS!"


	4. A house on naboo

**Hey all its been a long time since I updated. Reviews would be nice with suggestions of what I ya think. I don't own KOTOR, but I do own a fluffy pillow. :) Read and Review!**

The bright sun shined down on the little house. Exposing its warm rays to the deck on Carth Onasi.

Carth grinned, millions of light years away from Coruscaunt, and from me.

He stood up after stretching and headed down to the dock to go fishing.

I yawned as I looked around the cargo hold of Carth's ship. Smacking my lips I grabbed a bag of penguin crispers and lowered the ramp.

Squinting in the sunlight I saw a small house next to a lake with lush trees surrounding it. A small boat was far out on the lake, too far to see me.

Taking another bite of my penguin crisper I headed to the house, wandering inside to where the kitchen was. I gasped in pure joy as I saw his freezer stuffed full of frozen dinners. Grabbing two I shoved them in the microwave and started it, clapping my hands as I danced around.

"C'mon…" Carth muttered, tugging on the line ever so gently. The fish stuck its head out of the water, revealing a enormous sea ope with large brown eyes. Carth yelped, falling backwards out of the boat. Screaming in protest he swam as fast as he could towards shore.

Meanwhile, inside, I had eaten the fridge full of frozen food and was working on the last one. "It comes with a cupcake?" I squealed in amazement. "And it has sprinkles!"

Carth heard noise inside and muttered a curse as he strode up the steps two at a time. "You!" he yelled, pointing a finger at me.

"You!" I yelled as well, running over to him and hugging him, despite the fact that he was wet.

"Get off me!" he said angrily, trying to shove me off.

I still hugged him, smiling. After a few minutes he realized it was useless.

His arms hung loose- that was until I remember my cupcake. I released him and ran over to it, petting it affectionately and taking a bite.

"Where did you get that?…" he asked, watching me closely.

"Idunfogaglofridge." I said, my mouth full as I pointed at the fridge.

"Oh no, please say you didn't.." he said, walking over to the fridge.

"Ididntfh."

"Shut up!" he yelled, opening the freezer. His mouth hung open as he stared at the emptiness. Smacking his hand to his face he took a deep breath and muttered something I couldn't hear. After counting ten he looked at me then closed his eyes again.

I smiled, taking another bite as I watched him.

Saying nothing he walked over to me, he looked like I polar bear, I don't know why though. Anyway, he grabbed my coat sleeve and pulled me outside. Locking the door he sighed at sat down.

I knocked on the door. "Pizza delivery!" I yelled, taking another bite of my cupcake.

"Oh no, I'm not falling for that again." Carth yelled from within.

I shrugged, pulling out my keycard that I had customized with a penguin on it and unlocked the door. Carth had retreated to his room and didn't hear or see me come in.

I sighed grabbing one of the fluffy pillows on the couch and hugging them for squishy rating. Rubbing my chin I looked at some glue and black paint. I could hear Carth snoring in the other room and grabbed a few things before heading in.

Carth was sprawled out on the bed, trying to use up all the space on the bed so he wouldn't waste any.

I opened up the bottle of glue and put a sticky layer of it on all of him. Then I ripped open a pillow and spread the feathers on top of the glue. To finish I took the black paint and painted some of the feathers. I frowned, something wasn't right.

Poking around in Carth's closet I found a top hat. Fitting it snugly onto his head I smiled.

A perfect penguin.

It was almost time for me to heard home so I took a few pictures before posting them all over the web on varies websites he went to.

Sighing in content I found the keys to his ship and headed off to who knows where, Carth's apartment?

-LATER ON THAT DAY ON NABOO….-

Carth yawned smacking his lips as he woke up. Rubbing his eyes he headed into the bathroom to shave.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! BLOODY PENGUINS!"


	5. Speeders

**Hey all, I'm so glad that you peoples are starting to review! I was worried that I was the only one reading this. Ha-ha, don't do it again... Read and review! **

Carth burst into my apartment, almost in tears.

"I need a favor." He said in a semi-raspy voice.

I looked up from the two lovebirds I was painting black and white.

"What is it Mister Penguin" I asked, laying my brush aside.

"I need to borrow your speeder." He said so quickly I barely caught it, using both hands!

"You mean the snazzy red one my uncle gave me in exchange to not talk or visit him for a week?"

"That's the one!" he squealed in a almost giggle. I don't think it qualified for a giggle though.

"What happened to your speeder?" I asked quizzically.

"It's a long story but its totaled." he said, frowning in sadness.

"And where do you expect to take my little penguin speeder?" I prompted, even though it was black and white- or even looked like a penguin.

He bit his lip murmuring something.

"What's that?"

"On a date…" he murmured a bit louder.

I smiled, holding out the keys with one hand for him to take.

"Just bring it back tomorrow afternoon." I said, picking up the brush again with my right hand.

"That's it? Your not going to interrogate me for a few hours or threaten me?" he asked, astonished as his mouth hung open.

"Nope." I said flatly, grabbing the back of my chair and standing on it.

"Wow…" Carth murmured, not noticing what I was doing. So typical.

"Do you want me to?" I asked, jumping up and down.

"Oh no, no, no. That's just…never mind- thanks!" He said, grabbing the keys and darting off.

I smiled, thinking about what I was going to wear that night.

"I wish, I wish, I wish I were a fish."

I sang softly as I put the finishing touches on the birds.

-**LATER THAT EVENING-**

Carth opened the door for his date, wearing his best clothes and it looks like he even brushed his hair!

Looking at the reflection in the window I put the finishing touches on my outfit. Trench coat. Check. Boots. Check.

Waltzing into the diner (literally, one two three, one two three!) I sat down at the table I had made reservations for and ordered shrimp.

Carth and the girl (later I found out her name was Taylor) sat across from one another. And I sat directly behind Taylor.

Making my fingers into a V I held them above her head, she didn't notice me so I made them like a little bunny, hopping through the field of golden hair.

Carth's eyes widened as he looked up from her face to see my fingers. Seeing black nail paint he cautiously move slightly to the right and glared at me. "You!" he yelled, almost jumping up.

Taylor stared at him confused. "What?" she asked.

"Oh, nothing, go on." Carth said, smiling at Taylor then shooting me yet another glare.

Taylor stared at him for a moment before going on. "So basically now I can open my own place…" she said, still watching Carth.

I sighed, resting my head on the table after getting bored of messing with Taylor.

"Is there anything I can get you?" the waiter asked, his moustache bobbling up and down as he spoke.

"Two straws in a penguin coke." I ordered, glancing over at him before continuing to listen to the blabber.

"They say that their planning on sending out more soldier to Onderon… You don't think that's true do you Carth? After all we went through to get them out?" Taylor asked, frowning when she noticed he was very distracted by mouthing words at me to get out.

"Carth…. Carth…. Carth! Are you okay?" she asked, tilting her head to the side.

"Huh? Yes I agree." Carth said, now mouthing for me to get off the table while the waiter hit me with a broom.

Taylor saw that Carth had his mind on **many** things. Reaching out she put her slender hand on his arm. That got his attention.

"Carth."

"Yes?" he asked, forgetting about me.

"Can you take me home now?" she asked softly.

"You don't like it?" Carth asked, frowning.

"No, I don't feel well and you seem a little distracted. Maybe we can pick this up some other time?"

"Oh, okay. Sure." He said, kind of dazed, it was like she was holding him in a trance.

I rolled my eyes, it was time to get out of there. Which was sad cause I just got my penguin coke and two straws. Picking up the glass I trotted out, then realized I was acting like a horse. Changing to a penguin I continued to waddle out to the car.

**-BACK AT THE APARTMENTS-**

"I guess this is goodnight…" Taylor murmured quietly.

"I guess…" Carth returned, looking over at her.

She looked over at him and smiled. Her eyes were clear blue and glistened from the street lights.

Carth moved towards her cautiously.

She did the same.

Their lips brushed against each others silently.

I couldn't take it anymore, I had just drank all my coke and my leg was starting to fall asleep.

Leaping up from my hiding spot I screamed flailing about.

"BLOODY PENGUINS!"

**One thing my friend brought up, Taylor is not Revan. No, too weird. I say again no.**


	6. Live skits, or lits

**Ahh, been so busy lately. Anywho, I don't own KOTOR or any of that stuff. If I did... I would. Reviews would be super nice of you, even if they aren't nice. Reading it would be pretty cool too! (You might want to read before you review, it isn't really a two way thing). Yup. That pretty much covers it. Enjoy.**

I sighed, knocking on Carth's door. He hadn't talked to me since the date incident. Knocking louder I figured he wasn't home. Shoving my hand into my pocket I fetched the extra key card I had made for his apartment when he wasn't looking.

Inside his apartment his clothes were strewn across the floor. He must have been looking for something to wear, which means!

I ran over to his dresser excitedly, finding a card inviting him to a live skit (or lits as I like to call them) that very night! And Taylor was starring in it too!

Grabbing one of his ties I looped it around my neck, tying several different ways until you couldn't tell if it was tied or just wound around my neck. Finishing it off with a trench coat and top hat I walked back to the turbo lift.

On my way to the theater I saw a popcorn stand and couldn't resist. Buying one jumbo popcorn I continued to the theater.

As I hopped out of the speeder I frowned at a sign saying, "No food or drinks beyond this point". I shrugged, putting the popcorn under my hat and going in.

After buying a ticket I was pleased to see that I was only a few rows behind Carth. He looked smashing. Black tux, white flower in pocket, and his hair was done funny too.

When he didn't look at me I tried to catch his attention by making various bird calls. Still didn't look. Then I remember my popcorn. Taking it out from under my hat I munched on a few bites before throwing some at Carth.

What I didn't see was that his hair had sticky stuff in it to keep it in place, it wasn't dry yet. As a result, the popcorn stuck in his hair. Thankfully, he didn't notice.

One of the bloody ushers noticed me throwing popcorn and headed towards me with a grim look. "Excuse me, your going to have to take that out. No food or drinks are allowed." He said in a low monotone voice.

I screamed, jumping up onto the chair, hat in hand. "Take me alive or dead! But do not separate me from my popcorn!" I yelled as loud as I could.

The usher clapped a hand over my mouth and dragged me out before I could continue.

I threw my fists around, trying to hit him in any way without success. The usher seemed surprised at my blows, dropping me on by head. I squawked like a penguin would in great peril.

As I squawked so loudly, the crowd turned and stared. I hadn't been expecting so much attention.

The usher dragged me the rest of the way out.

"And stay out!" He yelled, slamming the doors shut.

I whimpered, hugging my bucket of popcorn.

Looking along the building I saw the stage entrance. I opened the door and headed on in, a row of tap-dancing penguins following.

As the fat lady sang me and my penguin mafia walked (more like waddled) onto the stage. Lining them up I stood in the front.

The lady gasped and gaped in pure horror.

Taylor's eyes bulged out as she stared at me. Carth showed no expression but headed immediately out of the main place thingy and went through the side entrance to get me.

I signaled to the man that looked like a penguin himself, tux and all.

Drawing their feet slowly in, they started to tap-dance, going faster… and faster… Soon they were doing something like the river dance penguin style.

One of the larger ones waved their flippers about, backing up much farther than planned. He bumped into the snow machine, making the stage and audience a winter wonder land.

Carth, meanwhile, passed out.

-EIGHT HOURS LATER-

The stage had been cleaned.

Penguins sent home.

Me arrested and bailed out by Locky my penguin friend.

Carth was sitting on his couch as Taylor fanned him with a program of the nights show. We did a terrific job tonight.

"A message for Mister Carth Onasi." A voice said outside his door followed by a series of up tempo knocking.

"I'll get it.." Taylor murmured, leaving Carth alone and going to the door. The man outside handed her a datapad and walked away in a trench coat.

Taylor frowned as she returned to Carth.

"Carthy." She said, tilting her head to the side as she stared at the datapad.

"What?" Carth mumbled, his eyes half open (or maybe half closed...).

"The Lits Palace is suing you." Taylor said, handing him the datapad.

"WHAT!" Carth yelled, wide awake now. He snatched the datapad and ran his eyes down the list.

"BLOODY PENGUINS!"

**END**


	7. A Visit, and a Friend

**I don't own KOTOR or any of that stufferosies. Also, please don't kill me for throwing the french and the pope in there. And if you have to, read and review first!**

Carth sighed as I walked into his new apartment.

"How did you know where I was living?" he asked, semi angry.

"Super pages." I replied simply, grinning.

"Oh… Well what do you want?" he asked, looking back down at his datapad. Honestly, I didn't think he had the strength right now to be mad at me.

"You owe me a favor!" I yelled, remembering the time I loaned him my speeder.

"So I do…" he sighed, obviously not disturbed by my yelling.

I crossed my arms and walked to him, sniffing his shoulder.

"Can you read this for me?" I asked, handing him a data pad. I knew how to read, I just wanted him to do it.

Carth eyed the data pad.

"Alright…" he said slowly, taking it from me.

Looking over at the clock then at me he said, "You got a doctors appointment in a half hour."

Smiling sweetly I looked into his eyes. "Can you take me?" I asked quietly.

Carth sniffled. "…" "…" "…"

I continued to look him in the eyes. After years of perfection I knew how to get anything out of Carth.

"Fine." He said after a **very** long pause.

"GREAT!" I screamed, jumping up and around.

-**AT THE DOC'S**-

"This won't hurt?" I whimpered, asking the age old question.

The doc gave a big ole' smile. "Of course not." He said, getting ready to give me shots.

"Cause, if it did… you know… I'd have to kill you." I said nervously.

"Mm hmm…" he murmured, complete ignoring my highly dangerous threat.

"I-I'm apart of p-penguin mafia s-so…" I said, my eyes widening at the needle he was attaching.

I hadn't a moment to spare. Shoving the needle away I jumped onto the table screaming.

"Madam! Contain yourself!" the doctor tried to yell over my screaming.

That only made me scream louder. I put my hands around my mouth in attempt to make my plea for all penguins to help me.

"SQUAWK!"

I might have gone into ultrasonic.

Suddenly a jumble of tumbling penguins found their way in.

"Wha?" the doc said just before he was tackled by a unusually large penguin tackled him.

Screams of protest were heard throughout the building as he was carried off.

They say his cries and their chants still echo through the building… spooky.

"This isn't real… this isn't real…" Carth had been and continued to mutter during all of this, holding his head in his hands.

"Yes it is." I encouraged, patting him on the back.

"No, you don't see." He whined. "Every time I'm around you something happens to me."

"That's not true." I said, smiling cheerfully.

Carth opened his eyes and glared at me.

"Okay… maybe it is." I decided.

Carth sighed. He almost seemed emo, all he needed was a data pad and he was set for life.

"I think its best… that you leave me alone from now on." He said firmly, standing up.

My mouth hung open. "Does that mean… forever?" I asked, starting to sniffle for the full effect.

"Yes." He said, opening the door- without looking back.

"Forever?" I asked, my eyes starting to brim with tears.

"Yes."

"Forever as in… forever?"

"Yes."

"Like… never ever?"

"You got it."

"So… never?"

"YES!" He yelled, slamming the door behind him.

"Forever?" I sniffled yet again into the whiteness of the blank wall.

He was gone. Forever. I had not only lost a Carth, but a friend that actually put up with me.

I sat down on the table again. A mopey/emo/weird penguin waddled in and patted me on the back with its little flipper.

"You should go to him and apologize." It said, looking up at me with its black eye lined eyes.

"You can talk?" I asked, suddenly not interesting in crying anymore.

"Of course I can." It said, giggling somewhat.

"Your right. I'm gonna go find him." I said, standing up and strutting out with a slight twist.

**-OUTSIDE-**

Carth waved down a taxi- that as soon as it saw him- speeded on.

"Bloody…" Carth muttered.

He heard snickering behind him. Turning around he saw a gang of at least eight members.

"Of course, this day just **had** to get worse." Carth said, smacking himself in the face.

I ran down the steps screaming (yet again I know). Armed with two ninja penguins (not to be confused with the so-called 'ninja turtles') I dove at the leader.

"RAPPAPUNZAL!"

"Oh God…" Carth said just before passing out.

"CACAW!" I yelled as loud as I could.

Small dots appeared in the sky as more ninja penguins joined the fight for freedom, liberty, and a ice cream cone.

I pulled out my two nun chucks that were hidden sneakily into the large pockets of my trench coat.

Doing several unnecessary ninja like moves I flipped through the air, whacking off two heads. (I have no idea how or in what manner I just did.)

That being said, the penguins took care of the rest whilst I dragged Carth away.

**-THE NEXT DAY-**

Carth blinked in the bright light that I flashed on and off at his eyes.

"How you feeling sleepy hollow?" I asked.

Carth blinked again and rubbed his temples. "You mean sleeping beauty?" he asked.

I examined him for a moment. "Nah, you ain't that purdy." I said, shrugging.

Carth rolled his eyes. "Nothing happened…" he said in amazement, reflecting back on what had happened.

He didn't stop there, he dared to venture even farther.

"I didn't get sued, killed, set on fire, whacked by a penguin, yelled at by a Frenchman, dressed by force like the pope, or my hair dyed blue while I was out." He said slowly.

"Well I wouldn't be too sure about the hair thing." I said, handing him a mirror.

"BLOODY PENGUINS!"

**If you have any ideas for the next chats with Carth leave a review with it. I will take into consideration. Keep a steady eye on the horizon for a new series coming soon to your computer! The REAL mandalorian camp.  
Thanks for reading. **


	8. Shopping Spree

**Alright! Here it is! The fan fic that uh... at least I have been waiting for! I don't own McGuyver, malls, cheesecloth, KOTOR, or killer whales. Just read and review, you'll understand.**

"Carthy guess what?!?!?!?" I yelled, not even bothering to open the door but rather crashing though it.

Carth glanced over at the wreckage, quite used to it now. "What now…?" he moaned, dabbing his head with a wet cloth.

"I entered us both in a shopping spree contest at the local mall and we won!!" I shouted, dancing around his couch.

Carth's eyes lit up. "Really…? How much did we win?" he asked, rubbing his palms together.

I jumped onto the back of his couch. "Ten thousand credits!!!"

"Okay, bye!" Carth yelled, jumping up.

"Wait, take me with you! It's my car! And you need the ticket I have for the money!" I yelled, bouncing on the couch.

"As long as I can drive." Carth said, grabbing his coat.

"You must answer three questions." I said, hopping off the couch.

"Fine," Carth crossed his arms like a teletubby. "but hurry it up."

"Okay. What is your favorite color?" I asked, getting up in his face.

"Blue."

"Okay mister smarty pants penguin." I said. "What… if your favorite animal?"

Carth thought carefully. "Penguin."

"Good. Lets go." I said, heading out the door.

A man with a fake saber and cheesecloth over his eyes swung his saber around in a slow circle while screaming tales of fish.

"He must need a penguin hug…" I murmured, eyeing him. Running over I gave him a quick hug while he tried to slash off my body parts.

Carth looked on confused.

A few minutes later…

"AHHHHHH!"

"What?"

"Nothing." I said, pulling my head back inside the car.

"Okay, don't leave my sight." Carth said, pulling into a parking spot.

I jumped out, poking the speeder next to mine.

"No!" Carth yelped, pulling me away.

"But its pretty!" I whined, reaching for the car, only able to grab the air.

"But nothing. You don't go around poking pretty things. Why if you did that everyday you would wind up poking me." Carth said, dragging me away.

I gave him a blank stare.

Carth sighed. "Never mind lets just go."

"Okay!" I said, running off before he could catch me.

"Hey! Get back here!" Carth yelled, taking off after me.

We ran around the store until I found the penguin section. Carth caught up a little while later, gasping for breath.

I gaped in amazement; it was a sight to behold. Penguins lined up in neat rows along the shelves. There were penguin boxes, stickers, shoelaces, cargo holders, comlink covers, boots, vests, hats, and blankets. It seemed to good to be true!

Carth saw that I was too busy to notice him and I would probably stay there forever so he went to go look at the speeders.

Once Carth was gone a small screen lit up, talking about penguins daily lives.

Of course I knew everything about penguins, but I watched anyway.

It went on to talk about predators... killer whales namely.

I gasped, covering my mouth as it showed a killer whale eating a penguin.

Turning away from the horrible scene revealed another. There, in the very next isle were killer whales! There was a youngling hugging a stuffed killer whale.

"How dare you…" I muttered at him, growling.

Refreshing on a old McGuyver episode I headed on in the great search of a pin, egg, duck tape, baby powder, and some good ole' trusty duck tape.

Retuning to the isle I was pleased to find that the youngling was gone.

I grinned with pleasure as I assembled the grenade.

-Meanwhile…-

Carth leaned against a shiny new speeder as he talked to two twin Twi'leks.

"Yeah, so I figured since I had several thousand credits to waste I might as well get a new speeder to play around with."

-Okay, back to me.-

Sliding the pin ever so carefully into the egg grenade I shoved the egg (still carefully!) into the wide-open mouth of a stuffed killer whale. "That'll show em'."

I quickly activated it. Now I had two minutes to find Carth and get the heck out of there.

-All right, we can go back to Carth I guess...-

Carth chuckled, brushing the back of his hand across one of the Twi'leks face.

"You know, I get awfully lonely up there, Bertha..." he said softly.

She growled. "Its Martha, she's Bertha." Martha said, gesturing to Bertha who gave him a similar scowl.

Carth looked at the two of them closely.

"Well that's no fair. You both look alike."

Martha and Bertha rolled their eyes. "Obviously." They said simultaneously.

Bertha giggled suddenly. "Maybe you just need to spend more time with us..." she said quietly, moving dangerously close to him.

Carth opened his mouth to respond but then! I burst in!

"CARTHY!!! We have eighty-two seconds to get the penguin out of here!!!" I shouted, grabbing his arm and tugging him away from the two blue-headed demons.

Yelling in protest, Carth tried to make me release him.

"And just where did you get a grenade?!" Carth asked out in the parking lot after I explained. "No one in their right mind would sell one to you!"

"Oh, I just made it myself." I replied, smiling sweetly.

Carth sighed. "Why and how did you do that?" he asked, his fingers touching his forehead.

"I did it to blow up the evil killer whales that eat penguins…" I said slowly, looking back at the building.

"And how did you make it?"

"McGuyver showed me how." I said, crossing my arms.

"Its not going to work then-" Carth started to say as the building blew up. Bits of whale flew up creating a snow like effect.

I laughed and jumped around. "No more eating penguins ya hear?!?!?"

"Bloody penguins… You know you just blew them all up right?" he asked, looking over at me.

I frowned and crossed my arms. "It was for a good cause."


	9. The Class

**I do not own KotOR, fake french chefs, Betty Crocker cake mix, Pizza, onions, candles, pasta, maple syrup, m & m's, salt, olives, green beans, sushi, or spring rolls. Sorry it took a REALLY long time to post this, I will try to hurry it up. Enjoy and if you don't like it please say so.**

I hid under the blankets in Carth's room as I waited for him to come back from the pub.

Sneezing on his sheets I moved to the other side of the bed that was dry. (Without... sneezing-ness)

The door creaked open, as Carth came inside, not silently though.

He stumbled through the apartment knocking over a lamp. Falling onto the bed he jumped up as I wiggled under the sheets.

"You made a owwie on me!" I cried, sitting up and holding my finger tightly.

"What…. are…. you…. doing…. here?" he asked, I couldn't see his face, but I could tell he was happy to see me by his tone.

"I wanna go to this. I'll pay you to take me." I said, handing him a cake decorating class pamphlet that was on the other side of the planet.

Carth stared at it as he turned on the light.

"Cake?" he asked, squinting. "Something about cake?!" he yelled, throwing it back in my face.

My hand went up and caught it before it slapped me between the eyes. "Yes! I love cake! I'll pay you ten thousand credits. Five on the way there, five on the way back." I explained, smiling.

Carth scratched the back of his head. "Ten grand eh?" he asked, it might be as bad as he though after all. Besides, what could go wrong with cake?

"So will you take me? Or shall I find someone else." I asked, my voice trailing off.

Carth sighed. He needed the money more than the sanity, or at least he thought so.

"Fine. I'll take you."

"Hurray!" I squealed, jumping up and hugging him.

"Get off me!" he yelled, shoving me off. "I'm going to start charging for hugging me."

"Okay." I said, handing him twenty credits and hugging him again.

Carth shrugged and let me hug him as he pocketed the money.

THE NEXT DAY –

"So anyway, he said that she said that they said that I said that she said that they said that he said that we said that they all claimed that I promised that you would say that I said that you said that I said… I forgot."

"What on Naboo are you talking about?" Carth asked, looking at me strange.

"I don't know." I said, smiling and poking his side mirror.

"Hey, don't touch that."

"Why?"

"Because I told you to."

"Why?"

"Because I know whats best for you."

"Why?"

"Shut up."

"Why?"

"Gaaah!" Carth yelled, throwing his hands up in the air as a speeder cut him off.

"Okay, here's the deal. We are going to play the quiet game okay?" Carth said, sighing. "I say, 'one two three quiet mouths!' and the next person who says a word loses. Okay?" he asked.

I nodded, clapping my hands in delight.

"Okay… One two three quiet mouths!"

I smiled and poked the mirror.

"I said don't touch that!" he snapped.

"I win!" I cried, grinning and doing some sort of jig while I was sitting.

"What? Grr…."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"Shut up."

AT THE CAKE CLASS –

"Are you sure this is the place?" Carth asked, watching kids from five to twelve run around screaming while the adults tried to calm them down, which of course was useless because of all the sugar.

"Of course, see?" I said, pointing at a sign that said, "CAKE DECORE LE DECORE."

"Huh? Whats that mean?"

"Its French… It means mashing ingredients together and shoving into a round pan. Then you cook it and slab some sticky stuff on top and add sprinkles." I explained with a wide grin.

Carth was silent, he gulped. Maybe this wasn't going to be as easy as he thought it would be.

A cry of delight broke through Carth's thoughts as a Frenchman yelled for everyone to gather in a circle.

"Aha yah that iz good. Today, we make cak. A very good cak consists of many things yah. First, yoo take the ingredients and mash them together a like so." He said, dumping eggs (not cracked), oil, water, and a bag of Betty Crocker cake mix into a bowel. Then picking up a stick he placed the bowl on the ground and whacked it till the bowel was broken and the eggs were crushed.

I stood in amazement. This guy was beyond my years. I started clapping and urged Carth to join me.

"What? All he's doing in making a mess!" Carth said, pushing me off him and rolling his eyes at the chef.

The chef meanwhile scraped the mush from the floor and set it in a pan. "Next we cook ze cak for 460 degrees for two hours."

"Hey," Carth said, frowning. "We don't have two hours to sit and watch your cake."

"Yes we do!" I chimed in, tugging on his sleeve again. "Or you don't get paid."

Carth rolled his eyes. "Fine… we'll sit here and watch the stupid cake.."

"Very good yah yah." The chef said, nodding in approval.

TWO HOURS LATER –

The chef pulled out the cake from the oven and smiled with pleasure.

I gasped and pointed at the cake as I tugged on Carth again to make him wake up.

"Look Carthy!!"

The cake was flawless. Perfectly browned on top and no signs of egg shells were shown.

"Yah yah, now you make cak."

I went over to the table that Carth and I were assigned and started mashing things together as the chef had done.

"Are you sure this is how you do it?" Carth asked, using a hand to shield the batter from flying into his face.

"Yah yah!" I imitated.

"Don't start."

"Can I finish then?"

"No."

ANOTHER TWO HOURS LATER -

"Fantastico!" the chef proclaimed, patting me on the back as I pulled out my cake. I felt proud.

Carth sniffed it cautiously before shrugging. "Now what?"

"Oka. Now take you cak and puda icezing on top yah?" the chef said, handing me a tube of icing.

Carth put his hand between the tube and me. "Are you sure this is a good idea?" he asked.

"Of coursez." He said, pushing Carth out of the way and presenting the tube to me.

I snatched the tube and immediately squeezed it all over the cake. After setting my initials on top I started to add toppings to finish it off.

Pizza, onions, candles, pasta, maple syrup, m & m's, a small pile of salt, olives, green beans, sushi, and spring rolls (courtesy of the Chinese class next door).

"Taste it Carthy!" I begged, handing him a piece on a plate.

"I'd rather not." He said, eyeing the two-pepperoni slices paired with olives that looked like eyes.

Once he saw the tears running down my face he rolled his eyes. "Don't start…"

"No pay then." I said, shrugging.

I held up our contract and pointed to the small print at the bottom.

Carth squinted to read it. "Hey! I never saw that!"

"No eating. No deal." I said, crossing my arms and turning away from him.

"Fine… I'll eat your stupid cake." I said, frowning at it, he picked up the fork.

I quickly turned around to watch him, my eyes widened. "Well?"

I didn't get a response as Carth ran off to the bathroom.

Must be to tell all the guys how great it was.

In the bathroom Carth looked in the sink at a small plastic penguin that had made its way into the batter.

"Bloody penguins…"


	10. A Job and Toast

**Okay! Here it is! Sorry it took so long! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gnarls Barkley, Rabid Rabbits, Windex, Ketchup, Disco Penguins (I wish!), or Holy Ceilings.**

Carth yawned as he slid into a chair at the Blue Java Café.

"Welcome to the Café Java Blue. What can I get ya Hun?" A strangely familiar voice asked.

"Don't you mean the Blue Java- GAH!" Carth yelped, seeing me. "What the bloody heck are you doing?!" he said, trying to lower his voice.

He stared at me in my apron with the name of the Café neatly written across it, a pad and pencil in my hand, and the crazy smile that was plastered across my face.

"Working. I bet your trying to be eating. Now what can I get you penguin?" I asked, tilting my head to the side.

"You work here? Since when?" Carth asked, his mouth hanging open.

"Since this morning when suddenly they were missing four waiters and they needed some help." I said with a smile. "Oh! And I drew a penguin for you." I added, pulling a crumpled piece of paper out of my back pocket and smoothing it out before handing it to Carth.

Carth took the drawing from me and looked at it. A penguin was sitting on top of his igloo holding a martini and wearing a vest with credit signs on it.

"Uh, lovely. Get out of here." He said flatly, moving the paper away from him.

"But I wanna do this!" I whined, dragging out every letter to its extent.

"Too bad! You can't work here! Do they know that you have problems in the head?" Carth asked, tapping the side of his head in example.

"Not unless someone opens his big mouth." I growled.

"Fine. I want some toast, barely crisped and a cup of java. Got it?" He asked, crossing his arms.

"Fish fried upside down and a cup of juma swirled by the tail of a penguin. Got it!" I said, skipping away to fix his meal.

Carth sighed and lowered his head; this would be a long day.

I ran into the kitchen and spied some Java that someone had poured. Must be for me. I threw it onto the platter and grabbed some semi-warm toast. Swabbing the toast with some melted cheese, I grabbed a ketchup bottle and squirted a smiley face on top. And to finish I placed a giant fish between the pieces of toast.

Please with my creation I carried it out and placed it in front of Carth.

He sighed, crossing his arms. "Do you expect me to eat this? No one in their right mind would eat this!" he said, pushing it away from him.

Carth glanced around the room and saw several other customers eating the exact same thing who seemed very satisfied.

"Everyone else likes it…" I said, my voice trailing off.

"Look, I don't care about everyone else, I care about me. Now I refuse to eat this." He said, glaring at the food.

"Fine, but I'll leave it here for when you change your mind." I said, scribbling in my little notebook and walking away.

Rolling his eyes as he watched me leave. Carth stared back at the smiley face he made sure no one was looking.

Cautiously he picked up and piece and nibbled on it. After a moment he was shoving it down his throat as fast as he could.

I grinned and watched him for a moment before heading back over.

"What happened to my toast?" I asked, leaning against the table.

"First of all, it wasn't yours. Second of all…. Did you know you have very bad mice in here?" Carth asked, folding his hands in his lap.

"No we don't. Had the café checked last month. Everything's clean." I stated flatly, picking up his empty plate.

"You don't believe me? Ask anyone here!" he said, gesturing around as he stood up.

"I don't think any of these penguins want to be bothered right now." I said, looking around and envisioning all the customers in the restaurant as penguins. "Whatever, just go."

Carth shrugged as he stood. "Fine, be that way." He said, walking away.

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Fine!"

"FINE!!!"

And with that, he was gone.

-Two Hours Later-

Carth burst into the restaurant, clutching his tummy. "I'm dying!!" he exclaimed.

Quickly I ran into the kitchen and grabbed some Windex. "Here!" I yelled, spraying it all over his tummy.

"What the heck was that for?!" he screamed, falling over backwards as if a penguin has tried to hug him backwards. "I meant food!"

I smiled and stepped back. "You wanted some more fish toast didn't you?" I questioned, tilting my head to the side.

"Maybe…" he said, not looking me in the eye.

A loud screech was heard as the windows throughout the restaurant broke inwards. Rabid rabbits launched onto the scene and started to chuck cocoa puffs at everything and everyone.

I opened my mouth to receive these puff of joy with a large grin.

Gnarls Barkley slid in on his knees and started to sing 'Crazy'.

Holes in the ceiling appeared (it was very holy) as disco penguins jumped in and started dancing.

Yoda sat silently in the corner shaking his head as he nibbled on his fish toast.

"I think your crazy!!!" I sang along.

Carth rubbed his arm. "I know your crazy!" he said, standing up from the rubble.

The blue man group walked in, carrying enormous drums. Getting a nod from Gnarls they started to play.

Pulling out a mix of spray paint and cheese spray the penguins ran around squawking and spraying.

"For the love of-!" Carth started to shout.

"Penguins?" I cut off.

"No-!"

"Mermaids?"

"Let me-!"

"Hug me?"

"No!"

"Marry me?!"

"Of course not!"

"Well that's fishy."

"I'm trying to-"

"Buy me a cocoa puff mountain?

"Forget it!" he shouted, throwing his hands up in disgust.

"Caarrrthyyy…."

"Don't do that." He said, pulling the plug out of Gnarls microphone.

"Caaaarrrttthhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy…" I said again.

"No!" he shouted, shoving the disco penguins out.

"Pweaaaaseeeeee?" I begged.

He kicked the rest of the rabid rabbits out. "No." he said, glaring at me.

"Who's paying for all these holes?" the owner asked, coming out of the back room.

"Holy it is." Said Yoda.

I pointed at Carth. "He's paying for it. And while he's at it he promised to give you a hug."

Carth eyed the man's 'Hug Me! I'm Dying!' shirt. "I'm not paying for anything!"

Shoving a Chewy bar in Carth's mouth I smiled. "Of course he is."

Angry Gnarls Barkley hit Carth over the head with the unplugged microphone.

-Two Days Later-

"Ugh… what hit me?" Carth moaned.

"Gnarls Barkley! Now your set for life!" I chirped happily.

Carth blinked in the light that I shined in his face.

"Is that necessary?" he asked.

"Yup. I saw someone do it on T.V." I replied, flicking it on and off.

Grabbing the flashlight from my hand he sat up. "Whats this?" he asked, picking up a piece of paper that was on the end of his bed.

I stood up. "Oh! I've must go! Fish is in the phone!" I said, running out.

"Oh no…" Carth murmured, opening the folds of the letter.

"BLOODY PENGUINS!!!"

**Well? What did you think? Leave a review with a comment or chapter idea! Next chapter will have a very special guest.. -evil grin- Please review! Not reviewing is... just not nice.**


	11. A new Palbert

**Sorry it took me forever to update! My brother is getting married now so I've been crazy. Here it is, and reviews are lovely, and flames without fire and okay too.**

I rolled my eyes in circles as I listened to Carth babble on about something involving about me having to leave.

"What are you doing now?" he asked, glaring at me.

I stopped for a moment and looked at him. "You know, rolling my eyes." I said, continuing to roll look in circles. "I saw it in a movie once."

My head started to hurt. Rolling your eyes is hard, which is why I suppose they get paid for it.

Carth rolled his eyes.

"You're a master at it!" I said, reaching out to hug him. He quickly placed his hands up to block me before I could reach him.

"Why don't you go out and find a new friend?" Carth asked pushing me away.

"But I like you." I replied, attempting to hug him again.

"I know," he said, looking me in the eye. "but its time you moved on."

I shifted nervously; I didn't like it when he looked me in the eye. It was my eye! And I got to choose who looked me in the eye and who didn't.

Sighing I shrugged. Maybe we just needed a few days apart. "Otay." I said quietly, backing away.

"Bye then." Carth said rather quickly before climbing into his speeder.

"Will I ever see you again?" I whimpered.

Carth started the speeder and looked over at my sad face without an ounce of pity or sympathy. "Hopefully not." Were his last words before he speeded away.

I crossed my arms and sat down crossed legged on the sidewalk and crossed my eyes.

Suddenly I felt a thump against the back of my head. "Owwie!" I yelped, turning around.

A woman with dark hair with a mischievous look on her face giggled. She had a potato in her hand and a basket of more potatoes beside her.

I grinned and stood to my feet. Maybe this was my new friend.

Looking both ways before crossing the sidewalk I walked over to her.

"Hi!" she said loudly, almost scaring me.

Regaining my composure I grinned and replied. "Hi!!!"

"Hi!"

"Hi!"

She smiled. "How much potatoes could a potato chucker chuck is a potato chucker could chuck potatoes?" she asked.

I frowned and thought for a second.

"Is this a trick question?" I asked, tilting my head to the side.

Shaking her head around she said, "No.". Stopping for a moment she smiled again. "I'm Amanda. Amanda with an A."

"What other way could you spell it?" I asked.

"With a Z of course." Amanda with an A replied. "What's your name?" she asked, hopping on one leg for a second.

"Penguin. Penguin with a P." I said, smiling.

"Ohhh…" she said, deep in thought.

Breaking the two-second silence I said, "Will you be my Palbert?"

Amanda suddenly jumped up. "What's a Palbert?!" she exclaimed.

I nodded and turned twice. "You're a Palbert." I stated.

"Oh, well sure then." She said, smiling.

"Do you like potatoes?" she asked, handing me one.

"I love potatoes!" I yelled, hugging the potato tightly. "Do you like penguins?"

She nodded and turned twice. "Yes, very much."

"Good. Because if you didn't…" I said, letting out a sigh. "I don't know what I'd do."

"Now that that's over. What should we do?" Amanda asked, starting to make a leaning tower of potatoes.

"We could go to my friends house…" I said slowly, a grin coming upon my face. "And find something to do…."

"Ooo! Like what?"

Darn it! Another trick question! This time, I was all over it.

"Well he has a nice big bed with fluffy pillows." I said, rubbing my chin. "We could paint some pictures for him for when he gets off work."

Amanda watched me for a moment and started rubbing her chin.

"Did Clark Gabel do this in a movie?" she asked, her chin starting to turn red from all the rubbing.

"Probably. You know what a dare devil he was." I said, shrugging.

And off we went.

**-AT CARTH'S APARTMENT-**

"It's locked." Amanda said, tugging on the door.

"That's okay, I know where he keeps his spare key." I said, feeling under his doormat.

"Wow, you must know him well to know where his key is and when he gets off work." Amanda said, not wanting to rub her chin because it still hurt from last time.

"Well, sort of. I found out his work time from writing all the times he left his apartment on the first few weeks of stalking him and on week three he locked his key out and he got the spare from there." I said, standing up.

"Ohhh." She said, nodding and turning around twice.

She was good!

"Here we go." I said, opening the door. "Make yourself at home."

Amanda hurried inside. "Don't mind if I do." She said, running straight to the kitchen and grabbing some pudding pops and pudding cups. Amanda then proceeded to the bedroom where she sat down crossed legged and chewed at the wrapped on the pops till they broke open.

I followed her and tugged open a pudding cup. The contents shot out all over the bed and some of the wall.

My eyes surveyed the mess for a moment. I then shrugged and grabbed the next cup, this time opening it above my mouth.

A few hours later Amanda and I lay across the bed. The pillows were torn and some of the feathers stuck to the wall with the pudding.

Carth's dresser had been emptied when I had the brilliant idea to play dress up (mostly using his suits as they looked like penguins).

The TV and all the pictures were turned upside down with the remote shoved inside a pudding cup.

As for the pudding pops, sticks littered the floor and several dark stains covered the once pure white carpet that graced Carth's bedroom.

Speaking of Carth, I woke up just as I heard the lock click to open. (My ears are tuned to this sound.) I shook Amanda and she woke up as well. Scrunching up her shirt she clamored off the bed along with me and hid behind the couch.

Carth walked in and looked around with his mouth hanging open. It hung lower as he went into the bedroom and came out again.

"Surprise!!!" we yelled, hopping out from behind the couch.

Carth yelped as if he was a hurt puppy and jumped back. "What the bloody hell are you doing here?!" he snapped, poking me hard.

I winced and then smiled. "You said I should find a new friend! And here she is!" I said, gesturing to her. "This is Miranda."

"Amanda." She corrected.

"Left." I said, nodding.

"I don't care! Why did you bring her here?" he questioned, then he cut himself off. "You know what? I don't even want to know! Get out! Both of you!" he shouted.

"Carthy, you need to be nice to **our** guest." I said calmly.

"Our guest?!?!" he yelled as his face turned red like a water melon.. That was red. "Not **our** guest! **Your** guest!" he said rather loudly, poking me again.

I frowned and hugged him.

"Get off me!" he muttered, shoving me off.

A penguin waddled in and smiled at all of us. "What is the circumference of a moose?" he asked, watching all of us.

I nodded and turned twice. "Five square rounds of pie."

"Correct." It replied, seeming somewhat pleased with the answer as it waddled back.

"So she's your guest then?" I asked, tilting my head to the side.

"No!" Carth shouted, jumping back. Honestly, I didn't think he would have been able to jump like that because of all that hair. But lo and behold he did.

"No, no, no." he continued, breaking through my thoughts. "One of you is far more than enough."

"So… who's guest is she then?" I asked, crossing my arms like a penguin pretzel.

"No ones! She's no guest! Just some random babbling idiot you pulled off the street!" he yelled.

I raised my hand to smack him but before I could ten penguins jumped up and started slapping him with their flippers.

"Don't ever call my friends a fish!"

At the sound of fish all the penguins squawked and started following me, opening their mouths for fish.

"Keep slapping! You'll get your fishes afterwards!" I yelled above the squawking.

"Get out!" Carth yelled, pointing out right before they tackled him again.

I couldn't help but notice when you point at something you have three fingers pointing at yourself, which is why I suppose the penguins looked at the door and then continued slapping.

As Amanda and I walked out I was thinking. Perhaps Carth was just jealous. Now I had a friend and he didn't. After all, he's never had a real Palbert.

"Bloody penguins!" Carth shouted from inside.

-END-

**What did you think? I put my bestest palbert Amanda in there! She has awesome fan fictions... look up the user Fall Out Guirl if you wanna read some REALLY good fan fictions! Reviews are most open with open flippers!**

The Penguin Squad


	12. To the tournament!

**Geez its been awhile since I updated. Well here it is!! Hope you enjoy. Reviews with suggestions are most welcome. :)**

Disclaimer: I do not own kotor, or Halo 3 (but I do own a copy of it!), or that one scene from Monty Python with the coconuts. 

It had been a week since my new palbert had called. I was getting desperate.

Crying myself to sleep was a new habit I had picked up while she was gone.

Carth had a new girl, a _preppy_ girl. I didn't like it, didn't like it at all.

My penguins seemed gloomy too as they sulked around my flat.

Things were not peachy, or peachy keen. Great, now my tummy is hungry for some peachy keen!

That put me over the edge. I walked outside, shielding my eyes from the sunlight. There she was…

Blonde blue eyed prep. Pink all over, even her little chi wow wow had a little pink tutu on!

I don't know about you, but I can't stand tutus-even on penguins!

Carth sat there more engrossed in her looks than in her shopping story she was telling him.

"So I got this adorable little pink washer machine that the guy said it would pay for itself in a year right? So like, a year later he comes by and he wants the money! So I was like, oh my gosh like you know right? If it paid for itself why did I have to pay for it?! And he was like, so no way mam. OH MY GOSH! Like I hate like being called mam! Its so like EW like yuck!"

I rolled my eyes; Carth could do better than this.

Pulling out my rocket launcher I blew her up and walked over to Carth.

"What did you do that for?!" he yelled, watching her crisped figure blow away.

"I thought you liked hot women!" I exclaimed, unbelieving.

Carth growled saying, "Not like _that!_"

I stared at him flatly for a moment. "Oh well, anyway I wanted to tell you that you are my adopted son now." I said, smiling and handing him the papers.

Carth snatched it away, I knew he would be excited!

"Hi son!" I yelled loudly, even though I was half his age. An old man looked over at us and growled, "Perverts..."

Carth rolled his eyes saying, "This isn't legal."

"Sure it is! See the seal of legalness?" I asked, pointing to a smiley face sticker.

"Since when do legal documents use notebook paper?" he asked, handing it back to me. "And you spelled hair dryer wrong."

"Well ain't that a cowinkidink!" I said, turning in circles and tearing up the paper.

Carth just turned and walked to his speeder. "Leave me alone."

"Neva!"

As he started the engine I popped up beside him.

"You running away from me?"

"Yes. Get out. Now."

"Why? Don't you love me???"

"No, I hate you, you've ruined everything I've tried to do."

"I don't understand"

"Of course you don't, you only understand what you want to understand or what is above a 5th graders intelligence."

"Still not understand, say it again." I said, smiling.

Carth rolled his eyes again. "Look." he said, getting out of the car. Going to the trunk he opened it and pulled out some building blocks that he had bought for his nephew. Phew.

"Start building something." he instructed.

I started building with much eagerness, I wanted to build a penguin shaped hotel where that only served fish fresh, and I mean fresh. At least 100,000 gallon tanks in each room!

When I got up to the mid waist of the penguin Carth swooped his hand across it and knocked it down.

"Hey! I was building that!"

"Not anymore. Try again."

I did so, building it the exact same way, except perhaps maybe a fatter penguin that would hold up better.

"I'm amazing right?!?!" I asked, grinning at my work.

Carth just knocked it down again. "See how annoying you are?"

I paused for a moment, looking at the penguin that had fallen and considering what he had said. After careful consideration I looked at him.

"Nope."

"Arg! Your so annoying! Just go away!" he yelled, shoving the blocks away and climbing back into his car.

"Aw, I just wanted to play Halo 3 with you…" my voice trailed, following him around to the door.

"You have Halo 3?" Carth asked, freezing in his steps.

I nodded, pulling it out of my penguin satchel.

"This…changes…everything! How did you get that? Its not coming out for at least another month!" he exclaimed happily, gaping at the sight of it.

Smiling I looked at it…my own… my precious… wait-what?! "Uh, I've got… connections." I replied, tucking it safely back into my bag.

Carth whimpered as his dream disappeared. "Alright! To my place!" he shouted, shoving me into the car and taking off.

I knew he loved me!

Anyway, so we get to the apartment, it smells… literally, smells. In a separate room like a shrine is a plasma TV. Halo 1 and 2 are in special frames on the wall along with a empty one, presumably for the third.

A long couch, black, sat in front of the TV, compete with two master chief pillows that matched the rug beneath it.

"Lets play! You are so going to get owned." He said, turning on the TV.

**A few rounds later…**

"When did you learn to play this game?!" he demanded. "I've played this since the first one! I practice 4 hours a day! I go online!"

I tilted my head to the side. "That's funny. I just got this two days ago, and I didn't know there was a two.. or a one! But I did save a ton of money on my car insurance by switching to Leroy… I mean geico."

"What?... never mind. To the tournaments!" he shouted with glee.

"Okay! Lets go!!!!" I cried, grabbing my coconut halves and handing a pair to Carth.

"Huh" was his reply.

I sighed and explained. "Since it isn't in the budget to get **real** horses were going to use coconuts!"

I happily skipped about banging to two halves together, giving the illusion of horse trot.

Carth was still staring at the coconuts. "Is this the only way I'm going to get you there?" he asked.

Nodding I skipped over to him and pulled on the 'reigns'.

With a shrug he clapped them together and follow me to the tournament.

"Ehh... Bloody penguins!" he shouted.

**What will happen next! Yes, I know I threw the closing line in there randomly, but hey, thats just me. Hope you enjoyed it!**


End file.
